Soulwork Sunday: When Your World Stops

You can do everything right and still feel like you are failing.

For some, this post is going to sound petty and inconsequential, but the reality for me is that I now struggle to do something that was once as natural to me as breathing.

For as long as I can remember I could write. The ease with which the words flowed out of me almost seemed like a joke. While I was an awkward, introvert with horrible self-esteem, I could string words together that made people stop and stare. And I did it without really trying.

Now, this may seem like a stupid thing to be upset about, but when you cherish those words, when you have based your sense of self on your ability to transform a paragraph into a magical setting, than not being able to become an anxiety-riddled chore.

Even writing my blog posts has become a lesson in relearning my skills. You wouldn't think that someone who has published three books would need to relearn, but frankly, this Hashimoto's crap and all the anxiety that goes with it has robbed me of a lot of the creativity that I treasured.

So the lesson here, the part where I am supposed to impart some kernel of wisdom is that the things that come easy are not the things we should value. We should value the things that are h
ard. The things that we struggle with. If it was easy, everyone would do it. And, as my husband likes to remind me, I've accomplished more than most people. Even if the results were not what I wanted.

There are lessons there as well. Accepting what fate has in store for us. It's not in us to have complete control. If we did our lives would be perfect. There'd be no reason for the lessons.

My world may have stopped in one way, but I haven't given up. I'll push on. If this Soulwork has done anything to motivate me it has been to show me how to move forward. One step, one moment at a time.


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