Soulwork Sunday: Why You Don't Need a Valentine.

Ominous title. Especially given that today is a day filled with overextended expectations and dreams. It's a day when people give or expect to receive objects to show just how much they love them.

If you are looking for a token from your heart's desire and you find that their response falls short, then you have to look at your own expectations. The easy part would be to blame the other person. They didn't love you enough. They didn't think enough of you. They were too cheap. But maybe there is something inside yourself that signals that nothing they do can meet that expectation. Maybe we have gotten to the point where we self sabotage other's actions by expecting the moon on a Dime Store budget.

Those expectations that we form are not something we are born with. They are something that is developed as we grow and react to the environment. It comes from watching, experiencing, and being a part of everyday life. There are no written rules that say that if someone doesn't buy you a gift or give you a Valentine, that they think any more or any less than ever. They are called token only because they are meant to replace those things in our life that we need another name for... namely, the need to feel loved.

Loving something has nothing to do with getting something. If you define Love as feeling safe and secure in a relationship, then you need to look at why that is your definition. If you go into a relationship that bases your love on safe and secure, you are always going to be looking to see if that security is still there.

Love isn't something you get. It's something you give.

Loving someone means you love them regardless. That doesn't mean that you put up with a negative relationship or that you put yourself at harm because of love. You may love that person, but if they are abusing you, they don't truly love you because they don't love themselves to look at why they are doing this abusing, manipulating... (whatever) behavior.

I truly believe that love is not the dancing-in-the-rain-together or boom-box-blaring-over-your-head kind of emotion. More often than not, the emotions that we are looking for are placed in front of us daily, but they come so softly that we fail to see their approach. The Valentine's gestures come in the everyday actions. It's more listening, than talking. It's more giving, than receiving. It's more than all the tokens in the world.


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