Living with Hashimoto's: The Reality of Being Human

Something has been weighing on me quite heavy for the last couple of months, lurking at the back of my mind when I try to go to sleep, or in the quiet time in the car. It's reality. Mostly, it's the reality that I can't do all the things that I want to do and that is not acceptable.

Let me explain.

Back in February, Hubby and I got to take a trip to Florida. This was huge. This was one of those bucket list things. I'd been planning this off an on for years. But when I got there I began to think that maybe a "bucket list" wasn't necessarily the way I wanted to live my life.

When my mother had cancer and we knew that there would be no more treatments my sister and I asked her if she wanted to travel. She'd wanted to do it her entire life and now, she was running out of time. She chose to stay home.

I always thought she was crazy in a way. I mean, that was her dream. Shouldn't she be doing what she can to accomplish it now that time was so short?

I had my own list and going to Florida and being at the beach was at the top of it. But what I found was that when I got that moment. I didn't feel any different.

I didn't expect fanfare or a huge pat on the back. But I did expect to feel some sense of accomplishment.

I didn't.

Instead, I felt as if I wanted to throw out the bucket list and just live. If I'm so busy working toward these goals that I miss the moments happening right in front of me... well, I'm missing life.

I finally got the reason why my mother chose to stay. She could have travelled, or she could spend that time with the people she loved.

At the pier at Flagler Beach there are moments to people that are carved into the boards. Each one of them is a reminder of someone who loved the place. And wanted someone to remember them there. It was a pretty heady realization.

I could be working on my bucket list or I could live. Do I want to be know as someone who checked off her list, but missed those fleeting precious moments with her loved ones? Isn't it hollow to achieve your goals, but have no one to appreciate it?

No comments:

Post a Comment

 photo envye.jpg
envye blogger theme